The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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