It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
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There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
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You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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