You were right. It hurts to walk today.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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