You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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