Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
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