I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize
