just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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