I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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