note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize