come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
