At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Randomize
