I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
