i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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