We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
there is puke in my bra ... again
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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