let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
