went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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