Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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