i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
