she smelled like a LAN party
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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