We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
