At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
