MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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