hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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