I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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