wrigley field is MILF paradise
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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