forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
