If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
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Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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