I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
