2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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