I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.