put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
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Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
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Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.