"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
