the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
can u get pink eye on your cock?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?