i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
