I was born with a shot glass in my hand
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
