you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
