Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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