dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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