In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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