Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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