he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
