My room smells like vodka and shame
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
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I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
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He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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