Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
