dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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