Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
