I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
