I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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