I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
