i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
