At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
