never play flip cup with pint glasses
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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