so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
