STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
