I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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