Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
