I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize