So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
