Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
