The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
