operation have a gay friend backfired
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
