We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
